I know this isn’t an inspiring photo, but it’s a photo of me. I’ve told many people the story of my life and it’s inspired them to just reach out to others. (Please submit this)
When my mother was 38, she was diagnosed with Pre-Cancer Uterus cells 3 months before she was pregnant with me. She had them removed though. 3 Months later, she was then pregnant with me. My parents were never married so that has played a big role in my life. My dad left my mom because she was pregnant, and my mom grew depressed because she didn’t know how to take care of a child as a single mother, nor how to raise a girl (She had two sons before but they were from two separate fathers). On her 5th week of being pregnant, she was going to get me aborted. My grandma had to talk her out of the abortion for days and even weeks before my mom gave in. My dad never held me until I was 1 year old. He was really never around in my childhood, and still isn’t around now. My mom got pregnant again with my younger sister when I was 22 months and my dad, surprisingly stayed, but never really took care of me. They’d go on date or whatever, or just stay at home and I’d be stuck at my grandmas. It was still the same after my sister was born, my dad didn’t really do much with me like he did my sister. Both of my parents would spoil my sister, but not me. I didn’t really get as much as affection, and because of that, I’m lacking affection.
Anyway, when I was 5, they drew up custody papers because my mom knew something my dad didn’t know she knew; he was seeing his ex wife behind her back. They’ve renewed them and changed them over the past 10 years.
Well, 2 years ago, it was official they were no longer together. They split up because me, my sister, and my mom caught him in bed with his ex wife. (I won’t go into detail of what happened) But the thing is, my mom and my sister were very close in this time, and I was drifting and pushing everyone away. I’d act perfectly fine but on the inside I was dying. I became depressed and suicidal (I was only 12, about to turn 13). At night, I’d cry and take a can tab and hack at my arms, and cover them up with a long sleeve shirt. I took a pair of scissors and jammed them deep into my leg, leaving this ugly scar that’s still there today. My dad would harass us, leave phone calls threatening to subpoena my teachers, his parents, my cousins, whoever he could to get custody of me and my sister. We didn’t want to see him because of the pain he caused and how he wasn’t sorry for it. He’d show up at my mom’s house, and bitch at us. I started my 7th grade school year pretty rough because I was still depressed. I went so many months with depression, that it started to affect my health.
It got to the point that it was keeping me from going to school. I’d have unexplained panic attacks sitting in class or wherever I went. I wouldn’t be able to breathe or anything. We went to the doctor, and we were referred to a cardiologist. I went to this cardiologist and he diagnosed me with Vasovagal Syncope (Click here for definition). The doctor checked my heart rate and told me that my second beat was splitting in half, so instead of going boom boom it was going boom ba-boom and it’s dangerous. I was ordered about 13 EKG’s within 4 months. We tried to get a follow up check up to put me on home bound so I could do my school work at home. He never responded, so we ended up putting me on homeschool. That relieved most of the stress. We scheduled an appointment with a different cardiologist from a different hospital. He said that I was misdiagnosed and it was probably a stress induced hormonal problem that I’ll out grow. So we left it at that.
Although, the tension between my parents never really eased. We went to court that Spring for visitation but we were assumed to be there for custody. I cried on the witness stand because of all the pressure that was being put on me (I was 13 and my dad’s lawyer was really asking questions that were so irrelevant to the case). I ran out of the room when my session was up, crying my eyes out, and just hugged my grandma (mom’s side) and cried for hours. My sister went in, answered her questions easily, no problem. In the mean time my dad filed for temporary custody and the judge denied it.
After the Summer of 2011 was over, we went to the cardiologist that taught the 1st one I visited in September. He said that I was misdiagnosed and that I have POTS Syndrome (Click here for definition) and it’ll go away because it’s hormonal. (Luckily within the past few months since I’ve outgrown it!)
At the time, I was missing a lot of school. My health was pretty bad. I’d catch whatever bug, virus, illness, etc. that would come along. I’d miss 2-3/5 days a week and get caught behind. So much, that we had to go to a doctor. (Things between my parents died down). I had my blood work drawn twice and both White Blood Cell Counts came back high, so I was being sent to a Pediatric Hematologist Oncologist (Children’s Blood Cancer Doctor). They tested me for Leukemia and it came back negative. We discussed my symptoms with my doctor, such as insomnia, lack of appetite, how I’d catch every sickness, etc.
But earlier that November, I caught Step Throat, and Pleurisy the week after (Click here for Strep, Click here for Pleurisy). The doctor said that my immune system was extremely low, and that it’s been gradually declining since I got my shots in Kindergarten (They help boost a strong immune system). We came back the next two months after blood work was drawn and he said that I need pneumococcal shots. I got one the 3rd month visiting the doctor, and the 4th month.
As my symptoms were getting worse and worse by the month, it started to become hard to diagnose it. On the 4th month, I reported having symptoms such as lack of appetite, headaches, dizziness, unsteadiness, insomnia, dehydration, etc. I visited an Endocrinologist because I was having unexplained spikes and drops in blood sugar (Hormonal Doctor). She gave me a full hormonal exam and said that I was in perfect shape, and she couldn’t do anything in her field to help me.
We went to the Neurologist (Brain Doctor) earlier this month (May). I’ve mentioned that I’ve had this lump swollen on the right side of the next, along with my symptoms and the new one: Hair Loss and delusional visions. He felt the lump and said it wasn’t the lymph node or the tissue. I was ordered and MRI With & Without Contrast (With & Without Dye IV) on the Head, Neck & Brain. They were checking for cancer/tumor/inflammatory disease. The results came back and all of that was ruled out.
It’s the SCM muscle that’s swollen (Its a muscle that stays on both sides of the neck). They can be caused by injury or over use. The thing is, the lump in my neck has been slowly growing and moving over the past 2-3 months. From the size of two quarters, to the size of four today. It doesn’t hurt or anything, its painless so it couldn’t be overused or injured.
I’ve had symptoms of Lymphoma for the past few months. Although, since it was MRI on the Brain, Neck and Head, doesn’t out rule cancer at all.
I got the test results back from my latest blood work. The pneumococcal boosted my levels… except for the antibody titers that help fight of germs, diseases, cancer, etc. My body isn’t responding correctly at all. Which is NOT good.
I’ve been a human test dummy for emotions and depression for two years, no love and affection for fourteen years, biopsies and blood work for 7 months, and I’m still alive.
I didn’t go into much detail because it would take too long to read and it’s more depressing. I still have not been diagnosed and that’s all I want.
Cancer runs in the family, and since I have symptoms of Lymphoma, the chances are probably 85/100. I’m not scared or worried but I’m determined to get through this. I’m only 14 Years old and in the 8th grade, and I probably won’t be able to go to high school next year because of my health.
But it does get better. So if you think you have it bad because your parents won’t buy you a new or car or a phone, or you have a stomach bug and you can’t go to school for cheerleading try outs, think again.
I can’t participate in sports, activities, etc. Plus I have no friends at all because I’m a socially awkward loser that discovered RP and tumblr.
But I can tell you one thing: Be thankful for what life you have if you have great health, and parents that are even married. I still get no affection, but I’m very blessed to have a boyfriend that understands me so well.
It doesn’t really sound inspirational, but I can tell you for sure, It’s been a long tough road for me to make it through my own, but I survived. I’ve learned to not take advantage of people whose parents are split because they suffer emotional problems. People with health problems can’t do as much as any normal person can, they’re restricted. So don’t judge or limit them from things.